We know that Manchester can be a daunting place, especially for newbies. For freshers it’s a big, scary city and even a trip to get milk from the corner shop can be a pant filling experience.
The newbies need a safety blanket.
A snugly they can cuddle up to when all hope seems lost.
A guide to reassure them when they have nowhere else to turn.
A hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy with less of the inherent geekery.

Sadly we quite enjoy giggling at lost freshers so you’re looking in the wrong place for that. What we can offer is a simple guide to where you are around Manchester. Out of the goodness of our hearts, and because we enjoy looking at pictures, we’ve included a rough guide to where you are in Manchester depending on what you see around you.

	Welcome to Manchester Sign You’re either coming into or leaving Manchester depending on which way you’re facing when you see this sign. If you’re looking behind you, then you’re going away from the city. If you’re looking ahead then you are coming into the city. If you need to know this then you shouldn’t be at university. If you see a sign welcoming you to Blackburn, you are not in the right place and will be late for lectures.
	A Book You are either in a library or bookstore. If you are in the library or some of the campus book stores you will see many of these. However in the off chance you desperately need a specific book, you will not find it here, though the staff will be more than happy to order or reserve you a copy that will arrive three weeks after your exam.
	A Manchester United shirt London.
	Someone looking sad You’re around campus or in a lecture hall.
	Someone looking happy around campus You’re looking at the photographs in the university prospectus.
	A rat There are no rats in Manchester. Ever. We don’t know what you are talking about.
	A Palm Tree None of those either.
	A Police car. Got a couple of those. There is no need to panic if you see one of these. Unless you are carrying a stolen microwave or a cat you have found on the street.
	A Polar Bear. To the best of our knowledge Manchester doesn't have ANY polar bears living in the wild
	A mysterious desert island. To the best of our knowledge Manchester does have any palm trees living in the wild. Stop being ridiculous.
	A crashed plane. Stop it.
	The cast of Lost Was this entire article just an excuse for a picture with Evangeline Lilly in? You make me sad.
For those of you looking to write to us asking for your time back, we’ve included a map of Manchester so you don’t feel completely robbed. We’ve also included a couple of key monuments so you can get your bearings.