To the uninitiated, the short loan collection looks a lot like a video rental store. Indeed there are many similarities between the short loan section of the library and the local Blockbuster.

• Unreliable membership card that chooses its moments to work properly.
• A charge on overdue items.
• Friendly Staff. ...Um

Look away from these vague similarities though and the short loan connection and Blockbuster have very little in common.
One provides the best in entertainment and one provides books.
One sells popcorn and one provides books.
One is a brightly lit place where people smile.
The other is the library’s short loan collection.

The introduction of the national nine o’ clock trip to the pub has put the validity of the short loan collection into question.
Whilst you can watch a movie in a two-hour span, many short loan books are only available overnight. As a result most books are unreadable before pub o’ clock. Admittedly, most short loan books do provide a valuable service in beefing up an anorexic bibliography but aside from this, the short loan collection isn’t much good for what it’s intended for.

Thankfully we’ve found some alternative uses for short loan books.

1. Building Forts.

If you and a friend get enough short loan books out, you can build a meaty fort.
Use a plank of wood for the roof and add some books on top for texture and depth. Always place the bigger books near the base for support.
Books of short stories do not make good fort constitution.
Manchester After Dark recommends science textbooks for that extra piece of mind

2. Ultimate Frisbee

Sadly many games of ultimate Frisbee are criminally cut short by some clown chucking the magic flying disk onto a roof.
Thankfully, the short loan collection provides more then enough adequate replacements.
Whilst small books aren’t as aerodynamic as a Frisbee, they do fly very well for something that used to be a tree.
Go wild!!

3. A substitute for an iron

Two years ago the University was hit with controversy when theft prevention measures backfired.
Plans to reduce the theft of books from the library by replacing their covers with industrial lead sheets were initially hailed as the best thing since Jose Mourinho.
Early successes were undercut by the revelation that these measures were causing the library to subside by 5cm every year and the scheme was scrapped.
A few of these ‘intellectually’ heavy books do remain though and if you can grab a copy can provide a useful service.
Not for a swimming float though.
Whilst this does mean you’ll need a small white van to take them home, these books provide a handy flattening service for when you just can’t be bothered to do the ironing. Just place them on your creased garment of choice, leave for a few hours and then remove. Flat as a pancake.
This method also works when trying to fit excess rubbish into that already overflowing bin bag.

4. Getting rid of irritating housemates.

Hide one of the short loan books around your house and tell your housemate you have hidden their birth control pills in there.
Happily watch television while your housemate frantically searches for the book.

5. Making people think you are the cleverest person on the planet.

Walk around carrying the book.
Go everywhere with this book under your arm and people will begin to suspect you of being some kind of super human intelligence machine with an I.Q. of 147.
If you choose a colouring book as your literature of choice people will begin to doubt these claims.